My Obsession
by RinPippin
Summary: Sirius had always been into boys. Though more often than not in slight denial about it. But the real problems started when he developed feelings for his best friend.. SBRL Slash, One shot


Fiction Rated: T

(Slash!)

Sirius had always been into boys. Though more often than not in slight denial about it. But the real problems started when he developed feelings for his best friend.

Telling someone your secret isn't always that easy, but it can be the best thing you've ever done.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, they're all property of J.K Rowling.

My Obsession

Sirius's p.o.v

I am walking down an empty hallway.

I'm alone, I'm always alone lately.

I like to be alone, Remus and James ask too much.

They don't understand, no one understands my feelings.

I'm now at my sixth year at Hogwarts.

It's been too long. I have denied it too long.

It started in the end of my second year. I didn't really think about what it meant back then. But the summer same year was unbearable.

I was longing to come back to Hogwarts, or perhaps it was something else.

I didn't know back then, I know now.

It hurts when I think about it, when I think about him.

I noticed a bench at the end of the hall, and headed over to it and sat down.

I think I'm in love, but I don't know what love feels like. So I really don't know what I feel, but I'm almost hundred percent sure it's love. In the far distance I hear the bell ring, the lunch break is over. I don't care, school is the last thing I want to think about. I want to talk to somebody about my problem, but I can't. If I ever tell this to somebody they'll just look at me with disgust and never speak to me again or tell everybody about it.

"Padfoot," I hear and snap out of my thoughts. It's James.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, "we've got Transfiguration. McGonagall is going to freak out if you don't come with me now." He tries to drag me up from the bench." No," I whisper, not moving. "Come on Padfoot, we've got to go," he says continuing to drag me up from the bench."NO!" I say and stand up. He looks at me, he looks worried. I sit down on the bench again, "Is there something wrong Paddie" he says, using a stupid nickname. "You haven't been yourself lately. You know you can tell me anything," he smiles. "Yeah...I guess, but not this." I say and look away.

"Aww, come on. What's bothering little Sirius?", he says in a sad innocent way. I just ignore him. He can be so immature sometimes.

"Seriously, Padfoot, please tell me. I hate seeing you like this. You're always sad, you always want to be alone and you don't joke around anymore. It's been too long to just be a phase. Please tell me, Remus is worrying sick. Please Sirius," he looks at me pleadingly. Maybe I can tell him, he's like a brother to me and he told me that I could tell him everything. "I'm in love," I finally say and look at him. He looks at me surprised. I quickly look down. "Do you mind me asking who the lucky girl is?" He says teasingly.

I knew he would ask." I can't tell you," I quickly say. "Argh, Sirius you can't just say something like that, and don't tell me who she is." I take a deep breath, okay I'll just tell him, I can't bear him thinking I'm in love with a girl. "Ehh, James, who said it was a girl?" I don't look at him. I don't want to see his disgusted face. I'm expecting that he'll just walk away.

It didn't happen though. "Why aren't you leaving?" I whisper still looking down. "Why should I leave, it's not like I care. It's your love-life, not mine "he says. I dare look up at him, He is smiling. I grin back." So you're okay with it?" He nods. "Thank you James, you have no idea how much this means to me," I say hugging him. "So who is the lucky guy then?" he says looking at me curiously. "Oh, you don't want to know "I say and smirk. The look on his face changed. "It's not me, right?" He says looking horrified. I laugh "No, are you crazy, you're like a brother to me," I say. "Okay, that was nice to hear, because if it was me then I would have been sorry for breaking your heart, I love Evans, you know." He says laughing. "So who is it then, is it Slyterin? Snivellus?" It looked like James was about to throw up. "No, you stupid, it's a Gryffindor" I say and clamped my hand over my mouth. Too much information.

He smirked "I have a feeling I'm going to get it out of you soon, okay I know it's a Gryffindor guy...hmmm, which year?" he looked questing at me. "I'm not saying anything."

"I'm just going to take a wild guess, is it Peter" I made disgusted face. "ehh, okay not him…Remus?" I felt myself blushing, I quickly looked away. "Oh my god it's Remus", James say clapping his hands. "How long?" he questioned. "I don't know, it started in the third year. It's been 4 years I think." My voice is low. He looks shocked, "Why haven't you told him, or at least told me? We have been friends since first year. Wait, why haven't I noticed something? It's been so long. How could you keep this a secret for all those years?"

"I really don't know, first I thought it was a phase, but I got more attracted to him every day. Now I can't be near him without blushing, doing something stupid or just looking at him like he is the most beautiful person to walk this earth, which he is. I don't know what to do, I'm going crazy. He can't even help me with my homework, because I can't concentrate when he is around. James what do I do?" I look desperately at him. "Tell him, it's the only right thing too do. You should have told him ages ago."

"To be honest I thought that when I told you, you would freak out and tell me how wrong I was for loving him," my voice is low and innocent. "But I'll tell him, I hope he'll understand, so that at least we can still be friends" I say looking around in case someone is listening, but there is no one around. "Or maybe he feels the same" James says and winks. "Stop it James, you know he'll never love me that way. Maybe as a friend, but that's it." I stand up. "Where do you think he is now?" I ask looking down at James." Dinner I think, we've talked for a long time," I nod. I can take him to a empty classroom or something. I don't want a loud place where he can laugh and yell when I tell him I am gay. Run away and never speak to me again.

"Come on Padfoot, It's not the end of the world," he tries to cheer me up. "It's the end of my world if the turns me down and don't want to be friends with me anymore." We start walking towards the great hall. James and I wait outside. Then at the top of the stairs I notice Remus, he is dragging his heavy book bag. When he sees me and James his face lights up. James nudge me and smiles, "you should have seen your face" he whispers. Shit, I probably looked like a lovesick idiot. He finally reaches us. "Where have you been? McGonagall gave you both one month of detention."

"Thrust me Moony, it was worth it," James says and smirks then look at me. "What did you do" Remus ask sounding irritated. "Moony, we did nothing wrong," I make sure of, he don't look so convinced though. James nudge me. Oh shit, now the time has come. "Ehh…Moony, can I talk to you alone for a second?" He nods and we start walking over to an empty classroom.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asks looking at me. "Eh…I'm sorry for how I've acted the last week…month," I say looking at him. He smiles. Aww, he is so cute. I can't help but smile back at him. "It's okay…but I really want to know what's been bothering you," he says. Oh god I can't tell him, it's too hard. Maybe I can show him. No way! I can't kiss him, not now. Okay I'll just tell him.

"I think I love you." My voice is small, almost a whisper, I look down. I don't wanted to see his shocked, disgusted face. He doesn't say anything. "Please Remus say something," I look up. He is smiling.

His hand reaches out and strokes my cheek. "You're serious right?"

"Of course I am, who else?" I say smiling. He starts laughing. "Oh you know what I meant," he says taking one step closer, our noses almost touching. "I love you too" he says wrapping his arms around my waist.

The End


End file.
